Thursday, December 22, 2005

Wenerd the slave master

Wenerd is my friend. He lives in Mumbai. He is a slave master and I am jealous of him.

I was in Mumbai this past weekend (Dec 17th - 20th) visiting Wenerd for a few days and then flew back down to Chennai with Zen. Wenerd promptly picked me up from the airport and shoved me into a taxi. He immediately started arguing with the taxi driver. This was when I first saw his slave master side.

(The following conversation took place in bastardised Hindi)
Wenerd: Put the meter boss.
Taxi driver: [silence]
W: What the hell!!! Put the meter on now.
TD: You want to travel with meter
W: YES

The taxi driver stopped the car and shoveled us into another taxi whose driver agreed to use the meter.

W: We want to go to Bandra
New TD: You have to show me the way.
W: What shit? Where are you from?
[After travelling for a while]
TD: Should I turn here?
W: Don't you even know this? You call yourself a taxi driver!!!
TD: Cool down saab.
W: Useless fellow.

Wenerd then generally abused him all the way to his house. But to give him credit, he also praised them for their good work during the floods etc. You see, he is a hard but just slave master.

I saw more examples of his slave master mentality over the course of the next few days which was also observed by Zen. (BTW, Zen showed up the next day and we picked him up late from the airport because Wenerd wasted a lot of time rolling a joint for us to smoke in the taxi.)

Wenerd has a slave who cleans his house and washes his clothes. This is normal. What shocked me was that he also ordered her to make some kheema and chicken curry with nan for three. Milk, bread and other groceries were delivered to his house. Even cigarettes and booze. On Sunday night, we ended up going to a restaurant after it had closed. But we were soon approached by a little slaver boy who took our order and delivered the meal to the apartment. This is fucking brilliant!!! Only disappointment was when he told me that kaya is not delivered to his house and his slave lady will not roll joints.

But the greatest thing I took away from Wenerd, besides the framed copy of an autographed Knopfler CD, was a new swear word... CUNTPIECE!!!

Wenerd, you rule...

4 comments:

wenerd said...

As you can see, Business Process Outsourcing starts at home!

wenerd said...

As far as being late to pick up zen goes:
- sincere apologies to zen once again
- but i think its karma catching up after a rather cruel experience at the hands of zen years ago
- it was KKs insistence on having a triple-egg omlette that fucked us

Kogi Kaishakunin said...

It is the sincere apologies that scare me. Wenerd is getting senile in his old age.

zen said...

I'm with the Kogi on this one.. Wenerd's abuse I can deal with. When he looks at you, all sincerely, with those watery stoned eyes, and says "sincere apologies", I'm am reminded of the apologetic assasins.

Anyway, fair's square.. the circle is closed.. karma has been fulfilled. any more late arrivals means bad things for you. :-)