Friday, August 20, 2004

Kill Bill - The way I want it

If you are one of those who think that Quentin Tarrantino is GOD and can do no wrong, please don't read any further.

I too think he is Godlike director, but with Kill Bill Vol 2 he definitely slipped a notch in my book. I have my reasons. To start off, I LOVED Kill Bill Vol 1. I loved the characters, the music, the fight choreography, the storyline and the little ways Q paid tribute to those legends who walked the roads he is treading on now. I came out of the film with a feeling that I don't think I can describe here. So I watched the film four times in the theatre and then a million times (especially "The man from Okinawa" chapter) on DivX. Then I waited with bated breath for Vol 2. Me and Sambar even joked that the only reason the world did not end after LOTR was because of Vol 2 (I now have other reasons why it should not end now :-) ). Ran to see the movie as soon as it was released...only to be disappointed. I was left with this sense of loss. I felt Q had done great disservice to the memory of Hanzo san and Vol 1. But not knowing how to fix it, I let it go and tried to forget Vol 2.

I was recently talking about Vol 1 with a person (Deb, this one's for you) who had just seen Vol 1 and it struck me as to how Kill Bill could have been salvaged. For starters it should have been made into one big 3.5 hour film. I would leave most of Vol 1 as it is and only take out the "I am Buck and I am here to F***" scene. Moving on to Vol 2. I would strip out most of the film but leave in the "Monk Pai Mei" chapter. The Bride would find Budd in a remorseful state regretting having moved away from Bushido. Knowing that the only way he can redeem himself would be to request the Bride to be his kaishakunin and commit sepukku. Elle Driver walks in as the Bride slices Budd's head off (but leaving it attached to the body with a thin strip of skin as seppuku etiquette demands). They have the cat fight and the Bride leaves Elle blinded. This gives Q, the opportunity to come up with another film, where Elle would become a blind masseur and try to take revenge on the Bride, a la Zatoichi. The Bride would then find out where Bill is from his godfather and then confront Bill. They would be no sappy "why did you try to kill me / do you still love me" dialogue. They would then have a half hour fight on beach at sunset at the end of which the Bride would kill Bill with Pai Mei's Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. While walking the five steps before he dies, Bill tells the Bride, "Our daughter is still alive" and drops dead. The final scene is the Bride driving away with her daughter...

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Dangling conversation

Loacation: Chennai, India
Date: Dec 6th 2002
Scenario: 4 healthy individuals after a healthy dose of Ganga Jamuna (a potent herbal cocktail, best smoked) have transformed themselves into alligators and are lazing in the afternoon heat safe within the room known as Zen's lair.
Characters (in order of appearance): Male - Wenerd KK, Zen / Female: Nuka

Wenerd: What is the bugger saying man?
KK: I am the king of the hill
Zen: Put macha put macha put
Nuka: Shhhhh…
Zen: Who me?
KK: Up yours
Wenerd: Bugger Zen is singing man
KK: Nee guddalu yenugu madda
Nuka: All g**** men are chuths as they are horny
KK: Cool babe
KK: Remember in Ooty da…
Wenerd: Ya man

Zen tells a joke
KK tells a joke
Zen tells one more (Wenerd says he has heard this one)

Nuka: Women might talk about sex in conversation
Zen: I once kissed girl who tasted like an ashtray
Zen: Wenerd I am sure girls might be passively getting stoned when they kiss you?
Wenerd: I don’t know man
KK: Zen you are a f*****

Zen calls AB a monkey man for reasons unexplained

KK: I quite personally think it’s unfair to talk about people when they are nt around. dont you think so?
Wenerd: It's called bitching and it happens all the time.

Zen states that he was quoting the lyrics to a song, which was promptly and evilly interpreted by Wenerd and KK.

KK claims he can speak the best mallu in the laire.
Zen: Bollocks, whats mallu for a light switch?
KK: Vaidyuta gamana nirgamana niyantrana yantram
Wenerd: What's rape in mallu?
KK: Balalsangham
Gets everyone excited by this revelation.

Zen stares at the geiss visualisation on the computer screen and discovers that Bill Gates has to be a stoner too.

Zen abuses Wenerd for no reason.
Clearly Zen emerges as the evil one.
And Wenerd emerges as a psychotic despotic maniac.

Zen is singing Neil D stoned
Zen continues to talk trash about AB. See what I am telling you…

Now KK, Nuka and Zen are talking about 'Tweeter and the monkey man'. There goes Zen again.

Nuka amuses the gathering with wild stories of Vellore. The swapping couples and then eventually marriage type of thing.

KK and Zen disagree with Nuka on love matters.

KK: Let’s go man.
Wenerd: Ya

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Are you a slacker or a workaholic? Soon you might not have a choice...

Slashdot Gene Therapy Turns Slackers Into Workaholics

The corporate world would love to have this become a drug and come out into the market. I can envision a sign saying "All employees are ordered to eat breakfast before they begin work". But maybe this would be a good thing as people claim that work is rewarding. So a nation of workaholics would be a happy nation? But then all people would have to be in the situation I am in where they are paying me money to do things I would have done anyway i.e. code my ass off (Hmm have not done that in a while. Maybe I am procrastinating too much) :-) Will this help people who hate their job and are only doing it because it pays the bills?

I personally think it is good for people like me and Sambar, should be given a choice to take a drug like this as we genuinely enjoy our jobs. Then give people like M***** S******* and ****M**ya large doses of whatever will make them procrastinate and boy will be get some useful work done.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Was I in any danger?

For the first time in my life, I went to watch a movie alone and felt threatened in the theatre. I have felt threatened a few times in my life. During the early days of ragging in my undergraduate college back home. While waiting for subway late at night in North Philly. But those instances were in places and scenarios where something nasty could have happened. But here I was in a theatre in American suburbia feeling jumpy but too proud to just get up and leave.

The movie in I was watching was Fahrenheit 911. I entered the theatre and proceeded to sit down couple of seats away from a couple. I felt them glancing my way, giggling and doing things couple do. Oh well, I did have my Unisys ID badge flapping about.

The movie started and I was totally engrossed in it, until it came to a scene where some moron on screen was expounding about how anyone could be a terrorist. The girl sitting near me turned to her boyfriend and "whispered" could even be him...meaning me. And then for no real reason I felt a chill go up my spine. A sudden irrational fear. I watched the rest of the movie with a vague feeling in the pit of my stomach. I kept thinking of bizarre scenarios where the boyfriend would call the FBI on me or would try to beat me up with his buddies. (Ha, I would have unleashed my Suio ryu techniques on them). I know this could have well been my overactive imagination but one has to think of what if the situation was a little different. In a bar late at night with the majority of the populace being drunk, can I be sure of rational behavior towards one who looks middle eastern?

It is sad that just because I have a French beard and look middle eastern I could be suspected of being a terrorist. I felt I needed some sign on me to show that I am a good Hindu boy from India and cannot be suspected of being a terrorist. Then I realized I am falling into a trap. I know of so many Muslims who are good friends of mine. Does this mean that it is ok to suspect them of being terrorists? So my idea of a sign should be trashed. (Though I think it is a good idea that woman who are not single to wear a special "something" so that we poor single suckers don't have to waste time chatting them up for a date. Of course the same goes for men too, that is if more women forget the "women should not ask men out" rule.)

I was about to write this off as American ignorance when I realized that even I come up with irrational conclusions like that couple next to me. I have a friend who says that for every Hindu death because of terrorist attacks, a random Muslim should die. I have another friend who thinks that carpet bombing the Arabs would be a good idea. Though he is a mallu he has forgotten that a number of his fellow mallus are in the Gulf. So if my fellow country men can come up with such krap, why shouldn't I give the Americans some leeway? It is after all I, on my own free will, who decided to come to the USA. But then there is a part of me that thinks that I should exercise the same free will and go back to where my people are dancing on the Other Wind.