Sunday, April 22, 2007

Neela Vacuum

A neela vacuum cleaner magically appeared at my doorstep a few weeks ago. I first spied it sitting outside my apartment one evening after a days work. I have no idea how it got there. There was much speculation about it between me and Aaromal. I was afraid it was a booby trapped apparatus left outside by a certain ex-girlfriend. I was afraid to even test it out. Aaromal wanted to plug it and then run away while I turned it on.

All the while it continued to sit outside my apartment come rain, snow or shine until this weekend. I was sitting outside reading and drinking beer when my cute upstairs neighbor walked by. I stopped and asked her if she knew anything about this magic vacuum. She said she thought it was mine. I confessed my fears about it being booby trapped. She calmly picked it up and said, "Don't worry, I will throw in the bin for you" and walked away with it. I now really know how Michael Yossarian felt when the new recruits walked away with "The Dead Man in the Tent".

PS: Aaromal must be saying, "Avande uru neela vacuum. Olake de moode."

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ms. Flipflopsinwinter and FabIndia

Ms. Flipflopsinwinter was always full of fun, humor and laughter. I tried in vain to make her feel blue and melancholic. I then prayed to the lower level demon Azazel for a boon to help me in this endeavor. So after 120 straight days of being melancholic, he appeared before and thundered, "Buy her a blue shirt from FabIndia and you will have your wish". He then disappeared in a "puff" of smoke.

On my trip to India last December I purchased this weapon and presented it to Ms. Flipflops with great ceremony. I hoped she would wear it soon and she did. I received an email from her saying the shirt made her blue. I was going to jump in joy when I read something about the dye not washing off. I then realized it had just messed up the rest of her laundry. As I was thinking that I might have to end up buying the evil girl a fresh new wardrobe, she explained that she wore the shirt in the rain and it turned HER blue. Damn you Azazel. I should have listened to my mother who still maintains that FabIndia is overpriced shit meant only for NRIs.