Kill Bill - The way I want it

If you are one of those who think that Quentin Tarrantino is GOD and can do no wrong, please don't read any further.

I too think he is Godlike director, but with Kill Bill Vol 2 he definitely slipped a notch in my book. I have my reasons. To start off, I LOVED Kill Bill Vol 1. I loved the characters, the music, the fight choreography, the storyline and the little ways Q paid tribute to those legends who walked the roads he is treading on now. I came out of the film with a feeling that I don't think I can describe here. So I watched the film four times in the theatre and then a million times (especially "The man from Okinawa" chapter) on DivX. Then I waited with bated breath for Vol 2. Me and Sambar even joked that the only reason the world did not end after LOTR was because of Vol 2 (I now have other reasons why it should not end now :-) ). Ran to see the movie as soon as it was released...only to be disappointed. I was left with this sense of loss. I felt Q had done great disservice to the memory of Hanzo san and Vol 1. But not knowing how to fix it, I let it go and tried to forget Vol 2.

I was recently talking about Vol 1 with a person (Deb, this one's for you) who had just seen Vol 1 and it struck me as to how Kill Bill could have been salvaged. For starters it should have been made into one big 3.5 hour film. I would leave most of Vol 1 as it is and only take out the "I am Buck and I am here to F***" scene. Moving on to Vol 2. I would strip out most of the film but leave in the "Monk Pai Mei" chapter. The Bride would find Budd in a remorseful state regretting having moved away from Bushido. Knowing that the only way he can redeem himself would be to request the Bride to be his kaishakunin and commit sepukku. Elle Driver walks in as the Bride slices Budd's head off (but leaving it attached to the body with a thin strip of skin as seppuku etiquette demands). They have the cat fight and the Bride leaves Elle blinded. This gives Q, the opportunity to come up with another film, where Elle would become a blind masseur and try to take revenge on the Bride, a la Zatoichi. The Bride would then find out where Bill is from his godfather and then confront Bill. They would be no sappy "why did you try to kill me / do you still love me" dialogue. They would then have a half hour fight on beach at sunset at the end of which the Bride would kill Bill with Pai Mei's Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. While walking the five steps before he dies, Bill tells the Bride, "Our daughter is still alive" and drops dead. The final scene is the Bride driving away with her daughter...