Thursday, October 01, 2009

Unidentified Flying Lights

My phone was whistling. The caller id revealed it was Mohanlal. Sometimes I wish for the days when each phone caller was revealed only after the first words were spoken. But that little hint of the unknown is no longer with us. At least for a change ML's greeting was not the predictable what's up chutiye. Instead it was...

ML: Macha, I think I am in trouble. I was standing outside sucking on a cancer stick when I noticed these lights in the sky. I think its aliens.

His voice did not hint at any consumption of alcohol so I decided not to hang up.

ML: The lights seem to be chasing one another.
KK: Where exactly are these lights?
ML: In the sky, macha. Kind of below the clouds but at the same time above them. They keep going in and out of the clouds. Planes have no effect on them. I think they dodge the planes.

Of course, planes will have no effect! They are fucking lights and objects are known to pass through them. But I refrained from imparting this knowledge to him hoping he would continue to blabber.

KK: Why don't you try taking some pictures?
ML: That will be dangerous. What if they kidnap me on spotting the flash?
KK: Well, if they do kidnap you please come and pick me up too. I am kind of bored here.

In my head I was thinking... I get a free BMW and a flat screen TV.

ML: Of course da. I will try and convince the aliens. But they might not listen to me.

I could now hear him rummaging around for his camera.

ML: I am now trying to take pictures but nothing is showing up.

The idiot was trying to take pictures of the night sky with a dinky little pocket camera!

KK: Try turning the flash off and turn on slow-mo. :-)
ML: Not working dude. But I think it is over. They have to come to fuck Earth and decided to attack the US first. Aliens are smart and must figured out that if the US falls, the rest will be easy.
KK: But won't the military have already picked up on these flying objects?
ML: No! I think they are using infra-red.

And of course using infra-red explains everything! I started to wonder where he was coming up with this stuff. If it was me I could attribute to reading way too many graphic novels in the recent times. But this mallu boy has been reading the Mahabaratha for the past two years. But then again they say that the epic contains all stories known to man.

But I started feeling sad for the guy so I tried to distract him about Wenerd's latest email where he has elegantly abused Zen about his coconut ways.

ML: (Laughing). So Wenerd has fucked up Zen too? Let me go in and check my email.
(30 seconds later)
ML: Macha, the Internet is not working. I think the aliens have hacked it.
(He rushes outside)
ML: The lights are still here. I am telling you this is an unnatural occurrence. I am glad I called you. No one else will understand the seriousness of the situation.
KK: I understand completely. Don't worry I am here for you.
ML: Now we have a clue about the existence of alien life forms. I think God has finally listened to our prayers. I have finally seen an UFO.
KK: But macha, you are just seing lights. There is no object in the picture. So technically these are Unidentified Flying Lights.
ML: That is brilliant. Yes, yes!!! What I am seeing is an UFL!

Thankfully the conversation soon meandered its way to saner grounds. The UFLs soon disappeared and Mohanlal continues to dwell on planet Earth.


coriander salamander said...

I miss Mohanlalalalalah.

Ajith said...

"His voice did not hint at any consumption of alcohol so I decided not to hang up".---- bad call right there :)