Poorilum budhi undo?

I woke up and shook the dreams from my hair and then jumped out of my skin. There was something moving underneath my blanket and it was not my hand. Soon a head with red hair emerged out and then it all came flooding back. Last night at a bar called OCD, I had drunk myself to death and hooked up with this red haired woman. Her name I know not. I have no idea why she decided to drive me back to my apartment and then proceed to sleep with me. But the universe should not be asked such questions or else God will strike down upon one's good fortune.

She looked at me bleary eyed, smiled and asked, "So is there a change in perception"? I had no idea what she was talking about. "Of course", I replied. She magically had a cigarette in her mouth now. I never allowed anyone to smoke in my house. "Could you put that out please?” I requested. "You did not have such issues last night.", she countered. I shrugged, smiled and watched her walk out of the apartment.

She soon returned and crept under the sheets and started to jabber, "How was it in prison? You said you would tell me the story in the morning last night while we were... you know." Prison!!! WTF was she talking about. Listening to some of her chatter, I realised that I had given her some story about spending six months in jail last year. I hoped to see some more action so I raked my brains about Aromal's day in prison. All I could recollect in my hung-over state was something about a masturbating black giant. I figured that would not make for a macho story so I then spun a story about how I was stabbed three times when the Paki gang came for me. "So where are the scars?", she asked. "Plastic surgery", I replied. She went silent for while by which time I was already dozing off again. ""KK" she said, "but isn’t that expensive? You told me that you were poor and were about to be kicked out of your apartment." "I became a software engineer while I was in prison.", I replied. She again went silent for a while during which time I tried to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I could see that if I said the right lies I would get more action. So I tried to remember all the lies I had told her last night.

By this point she had leapt out of bed and was walking up and down my bedroom like a lawyer. "I think you are a liar", she declared. "I did not go out for a smoke. I was checking out your apartment. Last night you told me that you had a propensity to pick up fights in bar, was in prison for robbing a bank, was living on dole and dealing kaya to rich kids..." I felt like telling her one of Chandu's famous dialogues...Koodudhal samsarichal vaanam viite vaaye theykum. But shit, I had already done that.

She continued yelling. My head had started to throb and I had had enough by this point. So I came clean with my whole not-so-sob story. She stopped screaming. "I hate liars", she said in a calm and collected tone and proceeded to walk out of my apartment. I followed her to ensure that no property was destroyed on the way out. As she was grabbing her stuff, I asked, "So you decided to sleep with me last night thinking that I was some low life scum who had a jail record and a weakness for beating up people. But now that you know that I am decent bloke, I have become persona non-grata?" "I don't care about minor character flaws", she replied, "but lying is one flaw I cannot deal with!!!"

As I watched her get into her car and drive away, I wondered where my car was and how it would feel to smoke some kaya before breakfast...

Author's note: The following story is based on a dream. Any resembelence to people, living or dead is purely coincidental.